I’ve spent years in rooms where cybersecurity conversations sound like battles between acronyms. SOC, MFA, SIEM, IAM, Zero Trust. It’s like everyone is speaking in capital letters. And what always strikes me is that most breaches don’t happen because someone lacked the right acronym. They happen because someone felt rushed. Or pressured. Or embarrassed to ask a question. Or disconnected from the team, enforcing the rules.
When you really sit with that for a moment, it becomes clear: Cybersecurity isn’t just a technology problem. It’s a human one.
Humans don’t respond best to commands, fear tactics, or complicated diagrams. They respond to trust. They respond to how we talk to them, and they respond to how we treat them.
That’s why I believe emotional intelligence is just as critical to cybersecurity leadership as technical expertise. Maybe even more.
But let me start with something simpler.
We Don’t Just Protect Networks. We Protect People.
Cybersecurity is ultimately about safety. Safety of data, yes, but also safety of livelihoods, reputations, jobs, routines, and peace of mind. When a company suffers a breach, the first thing people feel isn’t technical failure. It’s fear.
“What does this mean for me?”
“Am I going to get in trouble?”
“Did I mess up?”
“Am I about to lose everything I worked for?”
You can have the most advanced, perfectly architected, beautifully layered cybersecurity system in the world, and if the humans inside the organization feel fear instead of trust, they will find workarounds. They will lie. They will hide mistakes instead of reporting them early. And early is when problems are easiest to fix.
I’ve seen talented IT professionals lose credibility, not because they didn’t know enough, but because they didn’t know how to talk to the people depending on them.
We forget that cybersecurity is emotional.
The Technical Fix Is Often the Easy Part
I’ll give you an example.
A few years ago, I worked with a client whose employees knew they were supposed to use strong passwords. They’d gone through training. They’d been warned about phishing. The posters were everywhere. You couldn’t refill your coffee without a reminder.
But when we ran a security review? Password issues were everywhere. Sticky notes under keyboards. Shared credentials. Reused passwords across systems.
Now, the typical IT response would’ve been: More training. More rules. More warnings. More “if you don’t comply…”
But I asked a different question: “Why aren’t people using the stronger passwords they already know they should use?”
And here’s what we found: They felt overwhelmed. They were already stretched thin. Memorizing more complexity felt like one more thing they could fail at. So they made a trade-off: convenience over caution.
The issue wasn’t capability. It was an emotional load.
So instead of additional warnings, we introduced:
- A password manager to reduce mental strain
- A tone shift in internal messaging that was supportive, not scolding
- Quick “ask me anything” office hours with IT, no judgment allowed
Within weeks, password compliance improved dramatically. Not because people suddenly became more security-aware, but because they felt safer asking for help.
That’s emotional intelligence in action.
Cybersecurity Leadership Requires Presence, Not Posturing
There’s an outdated idea of leadership that looks like command and control. It’s a voice that says: “I know the answers. I give the orders. You follow.” To me, that’s not leadership- that’s dictatorship.
Real leadership sounds more like: “I’m here with you. We’re navigating this together. Your concerns matter. Your input shapes the plan.”
People don’t follow authority. They follow connection.
And in cybersecurity (which touches every department, every role, every person) connection isn’t optional. It’s the work.
The Heart of Emotional Intelligence in Cybersecurity
If we break it down, emotional intelligence in IT leadership shows up in four ways:
- Listening Before Explaining
Instead of starting with rules, you start with:
“What challenges are you facing in following this policy?” - Empathy Over Blame
If someone clicked a phishing link, ask what made it believable. You’ll learn far more than you will from reprimanding them. - Clarity Over Complexity
Speak like a human. Not a manual. - Humility
Acknowledge that you don’t know everything. Cybersecurity changes daily. No one does.
At Acuity Total Solutions, our success in cybersecurity hasn’t come from having the fanciest tools. (Although tools matter.) It has come from understanding people. From listening. From adapting how we communicate based on who’s in front of us.
Cybersecurity is relational. It lives in how organizations talk to themselves.
So, How Do You Build Emotional Intelligence in a Technical Team?
Start small.
Try this: At your next meeting, before diving into tasks or dashboards, ask one question:
“What’s one thing that feels harder than it should right now?”
And then really listen. Not to fix. Not to advise. Just to understand.
Because the moment people feel seen, they lean in. And when they lean in, that’s where trust begins. And when trust begins, cybersecurity gets stronger.
Closing Thought
If I could summarize everything I’ve learned in cybersecurity leadership, it would be this: The firewall isn’t your first line of defense. Your people are. And people don’t follow instructions.
They follow the connection.
If you build a culture where people feel valued, respected, and safe to ask questions, they will protect the organization, not because they’re told to, but because they care.
And that changes everything.
Maria Chamberlain is the President of Acuity Total Solutions INC, a Total Facilities Management company that provides IT and Cybersecurity services to Government and private agencies.
